Lindsey woke abruptly from her nap. Sitting up in bed, she tried to shake off the grogginess. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep but studying until three in the morning the night before had taken its toll. She’d been dreaming that she and her dad were riding their bikes together around the lake like they used to do. The dream had felt so real. But as the dream fell away bit by bit and the darkness of reality crept in, Lindsey started to remember that her dad was really gone. An ache filled her heart.

God, Lindsey found herself thinking, surprising even herself, are you there? If you’re real, how could all of this happen to me? How could you allow my father to die? Wasn’t the divorce I went through bad enough? Every relationship that I’ve been in has gone bad. Why don’t so‐called “good Christian guys” pursue me? Why do I always end up with jerks? Is it because I don’t always know if I believe in you? Is it because I don’t pray enough? Am I not a good enough person? By this point, hot tears of anguish had started to stream down Lindsey’s face.

Avatari is always so peaceful, God. She has something I don’t. She’s so sure of herself. She’s so sure of…you. Please, God, if you’re real—whoever or whatever you are—show me. Do you really love me? Are you even there at all?

Silent tears continued to fall after Lindsey prayed these words. Once they died away, she pulled out her Mac and went to Facebook. She saw that Avatari had posted a comment to her Facebook message board and immediately felt a tad bit better.

Linz…your bridesmaid’s photos at Beth’s wedding look amazing! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow for coffee. You are the best. I am praying for you and your wonderful mother.

Seeing that Avatari was online, Lindsey sent a message back: “Thanks for the message Av! What are you up to?”

“Oh, you know the life of a permanent graduate student. I’m studying as usual. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at Starbucks!” Avatari wrote.

Lindsey remembered something she’d wanted to tell Avatari. “Hey, are you going to check out Oprah.com? She’s interviewing Eckhart Tolle at seven. He’s going to be talking about the book we’re reading for Rachel’s book club.”

Lindsey minimized her Facebook window and went to Oprah.com. Within moments, history would be taking place. Lindsey hoped to take part in the largest spiritual conversation of all time, with millions of people from around the world planning to join in an online interactive chat with Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle.

Lindsey’s book group would be discussing A New Earth by Tolle at Rachel’s house on Wednesday night. Hopefully I’ll get a head start and be able to contribute to the conversation with “Female Socrates Avatari” and “Miss Master‐of‐Divinity Rachel” on Wednesday. Lindsey prided herself in being a bright litigator who had no problem tackling just about any issue. Discussing controversial topics had never bothered her. Even at her church growing up, her youth pastor had felt frustrated when Lindsey would ask tough spiritual questions. She was famous for stumping her Sunday School teachers with questions like:

If God is all good and all powerful, then why is there so much evil?

How do you know that the Bible hasn’t been changed by people over two thousand years?

What makes Jesus the only way to reach God?

Always up for exploring new ideas, Lindsey clicked on the link to spirituality. She began to listen to Oprah speak to millions who were joined together online for the largest spiritual class in history. Oprah said:

Welcome to our very first live, worldwide interactive event. We are here tonight breaking new ground. Nothing like this has ever been attempted before. Right now, you all are online with me from every corner on our planet. Places like Albania, Bolivia, Cambodia, Ecuador, Finland, Hong Kong, China, India, Zimbabwe, Australia, Canada, the UK and the rest of Europe, along with all 50 states. Over 139 countries are represented in our class tonight. This is the most exciting thing that I have ever done. I’ve done a lot of things in my life. But I am most proud of the fact that all of you have joined me in this global community to discuss one of the most important subjects and one of the most important books of our time, A New Earth. We are going to be having a conversation from all around the world.¹

For a few minutes, Lindsey sat and listened to Eckhart share with Oprah about the importance of “getting in touch with the stillness within.” He said, “I ask, ‘What does life or God want from me?’ and not just ‘What do I want from life?’” Although Oprah preferred to use the word “God,” Eckhart shared that he preferred the word “consciousness” to refer to the universal energy or ultimate metaphysical being.

Eckhart shared his personal experience of spiritual awakening. He observed that God (or the spirit of consciousness) flows through simple elements of nature, such as a flower, because those objects have less density than people do. Next, Lindsey watched as Oprah fielded a question from an online participator named Kelly from Alton, Illinois. Kelly, experiencing the excitement of this historical event joined by millions said, “Thank you for having me. This is crazy!” She continued:

My question is in regard to religion and spirituality. I had a Catholic upbringing. I married a Catholic and we’re raising our children this way. Reading books such as Tolle’s has really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking and a new form of spirituality that doesn’t always align with the teaching of Christianity. Oprah, how do you reconcile these spiritual teaching with your Christian beliefs?²

Lindsey’s ears perked up at Kelly’s question. She’d been wondering the same thing. Oprah, sympathizing with the question and understanding that many other Christians shared this concern, said:

I’ve reconciled it because I was able to open my mind about the absolute, indescribable, hugeness of that which we call God. I took God out of the box because I grew up in the Baptist church and there were, you know rules, belief systems indoctrinated. And I happen to be sitting in church in my late 20s. I was going to this church where you had to get out there at 8 o’ clock in the morning to get a seat. Very charismatic minister. Everybody was into the sermon. And this great minister was preaching on how great God was and how omniscient and omnipresent and God is everything. And then he said that the Lord thy God is a jealous God. And I was, you know, caught up in the rapture of that moment until he is ‘jealous.’ And something struck me. I was thinking God is all, God is omnipresent, but God is jealous? God is jealous of me? And something about that didn’t feel right in my spirit because I believe that God is love and that God is in all things. And so that’s when the search for something more than doctrine started to stir within me.³

Lindsey understood why Oprah didn’t feel right about God being jealous. That seemed contradictory to her idea that God was love. I can see that, she thought. The jealous God described in the Old Testament seems a lot different from Jesus in the New Testament.

From Eckhart Tolle’s further comments, it became clear that although he seemed to have a positive view of Jesus, he had a condescending view of God the Father as described in the Old Testament. Lindsey remembered something Eckhart had written, that the God of the Old Testament is a patriarchal, controlling authority figure, and an often angry man. ⁴

Yeah, maybe that God of the Old Testament is really just a projection in the minds of religious extremist. Lindsey got caught up into the conversation, sympathizing with Oprah. I agree with Oprah. I used to think the God of the Bible loved me, but after a while, he started to sound like an angry God who only cared about rules and control. What was the deal with all of those rules? Pastor Chuck droned on and on about sex and alcohol. And the divorce… I know that a lot of narrow‐minded Christians have judged me because of the failure of my marriage. They probably think that God was punishing me for something.

Lindsey looked down and saw that Avatari was still online. But Avatari is different, Lindsey thought to herself. I am not going to hold it against Avatari for being a devout Christian. She studies lots of spiritual books, not just the Bible and she knows so much. She’s such a great person, too. She really loves people and doesn’t judge them. Maybe I just need to ask her‐does she believe God is jealous?

Lindsey sent Avatari an instant message. “Did you see Oprah?”

“Part of it, but I was looking up something for my paper on Descartes.”

“She said some interesting things. I’ve tried to consider some of these spiritual issues since Dad’s death. I’m wondering again who God is, even though I thought I had slammed that door shut a long time ago. What do you think about God being jealous? Isn’t it wrong to be jealous? Oprah talked about this. Did you see that part?” Avatari sent a message back, “Yes, I saw it. Could jealousy ever be a good thing?”

“No, not really.”

“Don’t you think that God, as the infinite Creator of the entire universe, expects people to honor him most highly, not because he is insecure, but because he is allknowing and all‐loving and He knows what’s best for us?”

“Well, I guess that’s at least possible. But jealousy seems to conflict with love. And the Bible also says that God is love. Jealousy seems angry and controlling.”

Avatari replied, “True. Oprah’s pastor may have been referring to Exodus 34:14 which in some translations read, ‘You are to never bow down to another god because the Lord, being jealous by nature, is a jealous God.’ But isn’t jealousy sometimes combined with genuine love? In a marriage, a wife and husband expect each other to be faithful. When a husband leaves his wife for another woman, do you think that it’s wrong for the wife to be jealous when she finds out about her husband’s unfaithfulness? Isn’t she justified in being jealous? Would her jealousy make her less good?”

“Okay, girl, speaking from experience, I can relate. No, I don’t think being jealous would make her less good. That’s natural. But why would God be jealous? He—or She—is God!” Lindsey wrote.

“Well, when we chase after material things and love those things more than God, I think God has the right to be jealous. It doesn’t make him any less God. He knows that those false ‘gods’ that we run after will only leave us empty and hurt.”

Lindsey thought about some of her recent relationships. She had thought being with different guys would help her heal from the pain of divorcing Mark, but she only ended up feeling worse with each “pseudo‐romance” and each breakup.

“But God is beyond that,” she typed. “He’s not emotional and wishy‐washy like people are. It seems like people try to humanize him too much.”

“Yes, but because the Bible was written by real people there are human descriptions of his nature. God inspired them to write, and they wrote books and letters containing a variety of literary styles: narrative, prophetic literature, laments, history, poetry and more. Also, this term ‘jealousy’ isn’t exactly the same as the jealousy that we experience. It’s a figure of speech that gives human characteristics to God to help us finite humans understand him. The Bible describes God as a ‘rock’, a ‘shepherd’, a ‘door’, a ‘bird’ and a ‘strong tower,’ but we know that God is not these things literally. Terms like this are used as analogies to help us understand God’s character.”

“Hmm,” Lindsey responded thoughtfully. “I never thought about that.”

“Yeah, as human beings, our minds are limited to some extent. I’m pretty sure Oprah would agree. Lindsey, if God did inspire the Bible, wouldn’t he want to use a language that would include figures of speech to help our limited minds understand? I don’t think that God’s jealousy is the same as our self‐centered jealousy. When I studied Hebrew, I discovered that the Hebrew word for jealous can also be translated as ‘zealous’ or ‘passionate.’”

“But ‘zealous’ and ‘passionate’ make God sound too human and limited,” commented Lindsey. “It sounds like some ancient fiction writer was just making up characteristics that he wanted God to have. To try to control people.”

“Well, just because God is infinite and all‐powerful doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feelings. I do, however, agree with you that his feelings aren’t the result of actions imposed on him by others. His feelings flow from His eternal and unchangeable nature. God’s passion is in correlation to the constant love that He feels for you.”

Lindsey was surprised by Avatari’s last statement. His passion? Constant love? For me? She paused to reflect.

God, could this be from you? she wondered. I prayed that you would let me know if you’re real, if you really love me. But this is Avatari. She loves everybody. Maybe she’s just projecting her own message and saying that it’s from you.

Lindsey quickly typed back, “How so? If that verse says that God is jealous or passionate, how does that show his love?”

“God is passionate about having a relationship with you. The God of the Old Testament is the same as the God of the New Testament. Some of the finest Biblical scholars who are experts in the original language translate that verse to say something like, ‘You shall worship no other gods, but only the Lord because he is passionate about a relationship with you.’ He’s relational. He wants us to experience intimacy with him. He understands that nothing in this world will ultimately satisfy us: no material possession, no career success, no human relationship. He created these things to be good, but ultimately only He can satisfy. Lindsey, God knows what you have gone through with your ex and now, this year, with your dad. God loves you so much.”

Lindsey was surprised by the depth of feeling in Avatari’s response.


Avatari continued, “Since becoming a Christian, I’ve been studying the love of God throughout the Bible. I’ve discovered that God’s love takes the initiative. Who would have thought that God would reveal Himself to this Hindu philosophy student? You know that I used to believe in thousands of deities that were all connected, but God stepped in and got my attention. And my life changed. Now I know that the true God, through Jesus, was pursuing a loving relationship with me just like He is with you. A verse that I discovered says, ‘It’s not that we love Him, but that He loves us.’ God knows everything about me. He knows everything about you. He knows what you are feeling. He understands you better than you understand yourself! His understanding of you is inexhaustible and boundless.⁵ He even knows the number of hairs on your head.⁶ Even, the depths of your heart. And He still loves you with an indescribable love.”

“But it’s easy for you, Avatari. It’s easy for you to believe. I just don’t feel it. I even tried praying a little while ago, but I’m not sure that anything happened. Why don’t I feel like God is there? If God loves me, he should give me an experience that proves it. Then it would be so much easier for me to believe in him.”

Avatari responded, “I understand. But true love is not always a feeling. Your feelings don’t change the fact that God is passionate about a relationship with you. We won’t always experience the feelings. You know that there were times when you were little and your mom or dad asked you to do something, and you didn’t want to do it. You didn’t feel like their request was made out of love, but it was.”

Lindsey thought back to her childhood introduction to God. Maybe the God that my parents believed in really does exist. I used to believe in His love. I remember singing in Vacation Bible School, “Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so.” But maybe I was just a silly little kid being indoctrinated by legalistic Baptists. Maybe they just wanted me to “get saved.”

But then again, Avatari does make sense. I know she really believes in God, and God seems to love her and reward her for her faith in Him. She sighed. Is it true what Avatari is writing to me, or am I just so pathetic that I would believe anything at this point?

Lindsey didn’t know the answer. Her head spun with the lack of sleep and all of these confusing questions.I’d better try to get at least a little bit more sleep before I have to wake up again, she thought.

“Let’s talk more at Starbucks. Is that cool?” she typed to Avatari.

“Sure. I’ll see you in a few hours!” Avatari responded.

“Lindsey got back into bed, pulled the sheet over herself, and willed herself to fall asleep. The questions would have to wait until morning.